Zoom 2020

This was the year it all started slipping
my flesh grown tired, it loosened its grip
pooling in soft pockets along my jaws, over my eyes.

When alone, we smile less – this makes sense:
that it’s our friends who keep us young.

I stare at the Zoom mirror, as others log in,
lift my chin, and see if there is a way to escape
the awful truth of my crumbling features.

No, not here, sad one – but know you are not alone,
that others have grimaced at the same kind of ugly as you,
have tried angling the screen, doing their hair
but there is no escaping this harsh reflection
of a year of lonely struggle.

Hide self view and dream of reunions
of hugging and laughing the same air

We may all be older and saggier but 
those times will be sweeter.

And remember to check a real mirror
after you have left the meeting, 

you will be relieved to find
you are not as withered as you might have thought.

© Bea Lehmann 2021

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

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Not really in the mood for defining myself.

5 thoughts on “Zoom 2020

  1. The most beautiful trees are the ones gnarled and twisted, aged and weathered by the storm. With great hollowed out caverns where wildlife shelter from the storm. Where knots circle into a beautiful strength. Even when a great tree falls it continues to give, give from its age, from its trials, from its frailties, not in spite of them but because of them.
    It’s a kind of alchemy isn’t it? That turns loss and death into hope & growth. So if we are feeling withered, beaten, lashed by the winds of circumstance – it can only serve to make us grow our roots deeper and know that it is all a part of the great oneness. And that really we are exactly where we are mean to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Such beautiful words – thank you. And yes, for the most part I’m okay with ageing. I think there is something that feels a bit wasteful about having done it behind closed doors. There’ll be that point when we see our friends again after a long time and have missed the times we didn’t spend together and that will be marked in our very ageing…

      Like

  2. I love this, so insightful. I find the worst thing about all the video calls is all the looking at myself! We use Teams at work where you can’t switch the self video off (I googled it). I have never looked at myself so much. It takes a lot of getting used to 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can’t hide self view on Teams? That seems unnecessarily cruel, doesn’t it?! It’s like some kind of enforced vanity, and due to the camera/software, most of us come up wanting. Forced to suffer our own image over and over!
      I’m thinking of Sartre’s ‘Hell is other people’, but this… what fresh hell have we inflicted upon ourselves?! ha ha!

      Like

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